Becoming … 

by Jennifer Cardinal  

Everyone loves a story of transformation. We think of the caterpillar changing into a butterfly. This fuzzy little creature that now takes flight and children marvel at we too want a life like this. We want a story to tell of how we have been transformed.

But maybe we have it wrong. Maybe we were not meant to live transformed lives, maybe we are meant to live in the very process of transformation. Maybe life is actually in the cocoon. This word transform in the past tense is such a nice word. It has a starting and an ending, it’s the happy ending. It’s the story we all want to tell. It’s the story of the beautiful butterfly flying into the wind. But the word transformation it is one suggesting a process that is not yet finished. An ongoing story. The cocoon can be dark, unknown, and scary. I can’t tie a pretty bow around it or put it in a neat little box. But maybe this is just how it is supposed to be.

God calls me to put my trust in Him and walk with Him where He will daily provide for me and daily transform me. From now until the day I am called home to him. I will never “arrive”. I will never reach “nirvana”. I will stumble, fall, get better, and some days I might even seem to be worse but in it all, as I follow Him he molds me, He transforms me. I learn to surrender more and more and realize the control was never even mine to begin with.

I learn to trust in the cocoon in the dark, in the unknown. I am made to live in this process of transformation. Always seeking. Always learning. Always growing. There will always, always be more. It is not past tense, it is current tense. My transformation is now. It lives and breathes and beats with my very own heart.

I need not try to reach a particular destination. I need not dream of becoming a butterfly. I just seek His face, listen for His voice, follow His lead. It is about my relationship with Him. There is beauty in this cocoon. I surrender reaching the finish line and instead focus on being in His presence. It is in this process that I discover the art of living in transformation.

Psalm 16:11 You will show me the way of life, granting me the joy of your presence and the pleasures of living with you forever. 

My family and I recently moved across the US from NV to CT. This has brought about great change in our lives as well as in my own personal walk with God. I have re-discovered an old love of mine in this process – writing. 


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