Broken Heart 

Last Friday, I found out some disturbing news about a famous Christian Apologist- who died last year. The man was referred to as one of the best Christian theologians and apologists of our time. He brilliantly defended the existence of God and the truth of Christianity. There are hundreds of videos of him online answering tough questions and he wrote over 30 books. 

 I have, for many years, watched him in videos, tithe to his organization, bought his books, and used his work to advance my Christian theology study.  

Now, last Friday I heard some heart-breaking news from an independent investigation ordered by his organization and his own daughter. He lived a double life full of sex scandals, rape allegations, blackmail (financially using money from his organization or using the name of God), and pictures of multiple women across different countries- many of these women were desperate, in-need, afraid, etc.  

A ministry that I am personally involved with helps women who are sexually abused. I have talked with those girls, prayed with those girls, and worked with the safe houses.  As I read the investigation, all I could think is the girls, their faces became the same faces of the girls that I met thru the ministry. I thought about the money I gave, the books I bought, the hours I spent listening to him- and my heart was broken. 

I ugly-pray-cried that Friday; I am not sure if you ever ugly-pray-cried to God before but it’s not pretty.  The next day I was just a zombie. Incidentally, I had already scheduled to visit one of the houses and drop off some Valentine’s day gifts. We had not been to the houses because of COVID-19 for 11 months. I almost called off, but I did not want to ditch my friend with all the gifts- so I went.  

Honestly, I think I was ministered more by going, than me doing the ministering.   The girls were so happy to see us, every single one wanted to pray (which is unusual), the Holy Spirit was very present. As we were about to leave, we struck a conversation with a girl and she told us about a conversation she had with her friend in distress—she  told her heart-broken friend “Girl, God got this, He is going to fix it”  

Girl, God got this, He is going to fix it 

The next day at Church, I remember the verse “don’t put your trust in princes, put your trust in the Lord” I couldn’t remember the rest so I had to google it. It was from  Psalm 146.  

 Praise the LORD. Praise the LORD, O my soul. 

I will praise the LORD all my life; I will sing praise to my God as long as I live. 

Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men, who cannot save. 

When their spirit departs, they return to the ground; on that very day their plans come to nothing. 

Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the LORD his God, 

the Maker of heaven and earth, the sea, and everything in them– the LORD, who remains faithful forever. 

He upholds the cause of the oppressed and gives food to the hungry. The LORD sets prisoners free, 

the LORD gives sight to the blind, the LORD lifts up those who are bowed down, the LORD loves the righteous. 

The LORD watches over the alien and sustains the fatherless and the widow, but he frustrates the ways of the wicked. 

The LORD reigns forever, your God, O Zion, for all generations. Praise the LORD. 

 don’t know why he did it, I can’t imagine the amount of pain he caused to the victims, and everyone he ever touched that didn’t know. I am sure there are people out there who listened to him and who were on the edge of accepting Christ, that are now just confused. But at the end of the day- God got this, He is going to fix it. 

I don’t know how, it is still painful, but I know all I have to do is keep praying for the victims and for those affected, and put my hope in the Lord my God.  

The LORD reigns forever, your God, O Zion, for all generations. Praise the LORD. 



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