This post discusses Seasonal Affective Disorder and depression. I will be sharing about how it affects me. I have been dealing with it for years and have consulted a professional about it in the past; however, what works for me, may not work for someone else with depression. Please be aware that depression affects everyone differently, and it has various levels of intensity. It is best to consult a professional. You can also contact SAMHSA’s National Helpline – 1-800-662-HELP (4357)
It was a beautiful Saturday. I had woken up at 6:30 am, I had prayed, I had dedicated that day to the Lord, and I had made a glorious list of things that I was definitely going to accomplish that day.
However, 4 hours later, I was just lying on the couch feeling tired, depressed, and not wanting to do anything. Watching videos that just made me feel worse about myself. Trying to convince myself to get over it, just stand up and keep going. I kept looking over my glorious to-do list, hoping it would encourage me, but it was just stressing me out even more.
I dealt with this before, I talked to a psychiatrist about it the past. He called it Seasonal Affective Disorder – or SAD (appropriate). I call it my winter blues. There were appropriate steps that I know I could take that would help me, but I just didn’t want to get up. I wasn’t even hungry.
I looked at the time, it was already 2:45 pm, and I had done nothing all day. I had a Bible study at 4:30 pm; I really didn’t want to go. Grinding my teeth, I got up, took a shower and got ready. I needed to get out.
I made it to my study and just sat there very quiet—usually I am far more interactive. Honestly, I didn’t listen the first 40 minutes of it; I was mostly trying to come up with an excuse to leave halfway—I was very close too. However, there was one thing that brought me back to reality and that was when one of the ladies mentioned Revelations 2:4:
But I have this against you: You have abandoned your first love.
Wait, I just wrote a post about that; I am wearing the bracelet that says “First Love” on it. I started putting attention to Bible study; they were talking about Revival. One of the presenters made a comment about how sometimes we have a layer of cement around our heart (a heavy heart) and that we need to ask God to help us crack it.
First Love, a Heavy Heart, and Revival– those three concepts stuck in my head.
Shortly after the Bible study ended, I was able to enjoy 2 pieces of one of my favorite cakes (it’s a chocolate cake with Flan on top).
I was glad that I had gone; I felt like God had given me a spiritual uplifting poke, and my sisters have given me a physical uplifting poke (cake).
I didn’t want to go home, but it was time to do so. However, I felt convicted to phone a friend, a sister in Christ that I knew would understand.
We ended up praying for a while, talking for an even longer time, and laughing towards the end. I went to bed feeling the same way I had woken up, giving Glory to God.
The next day, my pastor continued a set of sermons called “The Rendering,” it expands from the verse:
And Jesus said to them, “Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and to God the things that are God’s.” Matthew 12:17
He specifically focused on rendering to God our private life. Many times, we try to fix it ourselves instead of giving it to God. When I was sitting on the couch and trying to “get over it”, I failed. However, through Bible study and through the phone call with my sister, God started to wake me up. He took over and I felt like the layer of cement covering my heart had been cracked open.
Render to God, even parts of your Private life…Revival…Ok, God I gotcha loud and clear.
So, on that Sunday I decided to start the process of rendering to God my SAD.
Now, it didn’t cure me. However, it made me more aware of my health needs—like a fog lifted. I realized that this year it was much more than just the winter’s blues. I made my husband aware that this year is bad, so he is also keeping tabs. I am watching my appetite, doing the things that my past psychologist said to do, and keeping my mood swings in check.
I wish there was a grand way to finish this post, but there really isn’t. I am still fighting through it, but I have an army now. However, there is a silver lining; the last few days I have felt much stronger, more awake, and much happier.
Love, Milo
Ps. Thank you gals from the Spanish Bible study, Kathleen and Randy, whether you knew it or not: you part-took in the message God was sending me.
