There was yelling, there was cursing, and kitchen cupboard doors being slammed—the argument? Something rather minor and nonsensical. However, we were both tired (it was around 11 pm), and we were both stressed over a circumstance that was out of our hands. It happened really fast; from 0 to 100 in about 2 minutes.
I didn’t want to be there anymore, so I picked up my purse and my keys, and left. First time I had ever done that in our 5 years of marriage. Once I pulled out the driveway (and almost took down the neighbor’s mailbox); I realized that I had no idea where I was going to go.
I drove right around the corner and pulled into parking lot of an ice cream parlor (how I wished it was open). It was all just a blur of emotions—honestly; I don’t remember if I cried a lot or not at all. I started thinking hard: where would I go for the night?
- My parents—but I didn’t want them to see my husband, me and our relationship differently.
- My friends that live nearby—I know they would open their door at any time of the day, but I honestly didn’t want them to see me in such a weak state.
- Stay in my car–It was a little chilly outside.
- A hotel—That was probably the best idea, so I started searching for a one that wasn’t too far or too expensive.
My husband called- I hung up. At that point, I started to feel what I could only describe as nagging in my head (it’s really the best way to describe it).
- During my hotel-search, the nagging grew louder. I started to google things:
- “What to do when you and your spouse fight” –I found nothing…
- “How to resolve fights”—Found a YouTube video, but it was nothing of value…
- “How to solve spousal arguments” —Same standard stuff…
I googled more things but didn’t find anything. My husband called- I hung up and texted: “DON’T WANT TO TALK”
I went back to searching for hotels and reading reviews. I had two in mind, so I was reading the reviews to make sure there were no bed bugs (it’s one of my biggest phobias). However, the nagging in my head got more annoying, so I then went back to google:
- “How Christians solve arguments”—Nothing that grabbed and my attention
- “Christian wife and arguments”—Again nothing
- “How Jesus solves arguments” — A lot of biblical verse that I didn’t want to read.
Again, I keep searching alternating sentences using keywords like “Christian” “Wife” “Arguments” “Jesus” “Spouse” etc. Finally, I landed on someone’s blog. I wish I could remember it and share it with you (I tried to look for it for this post but couldn’t find it). It had bullet points; it was here that I found the bullet point that I needed:
Don’t go to bed angry: 26 “In your anger do not sin”[a]: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold. Ephesians 4:26-27
It hit me because that was the same advice and verse a family member had given me when I got married.
The nagging in my head stopped, that was it!!
I knew what I had to do:
- I prayed and this time I really cried.
- I took some big breaths.
- I drove away—away from my house and into a Ram’s Horn down the street.
- I sat down by myself, ordered a big steak sandwich and a milkshake.
- I finished my food and thought about what had happened—it was really a silly argument.
- I also thought about what I was going to say when I got back.
- I got up, thanked the waiter who seemed really concerned for me (she must have been the red teared eyes)
- I went home, it was a little after 1 AM.
I went to the bedroom and saw my husband on his side with his hand on my pillow (usually he sleeps the other way).
I laid on the bed under his arm. He said with a sleepy voice “I am so happy you came back” and so was I.
We snuggled for the whole night.
The morning would be another day, another for better or for worse, a day to revisit our stress and hopefully resolve the argument; however, it would be fresh day and the devil would not have a foothold.