It started with an awkward question to my husband: Do you have full confidence in me? Is there an area where you lack confidence in me?
It took a while to get the answer. At first, he answered that he trusted me completely. I recapped, it wasn’t trust, but full confidence.
Confidence is defined as “the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something.” In other words, was there an area (be it loyalty, finances, home-management, social, emotional, intimacy, etc.) that he believed that he couldn’t rely on me to act upon.
You see, last year I made the resolution that I wanted to become a PROVERBS 31 WIFE. In a couple posts, we explored Proverbs 31:10 and what it meant to be Ashth-Chil. Now we are going to explore proverbs 31:11
He is okay with me going on “Girls’ Night” with my friends because he has confidence that I will remain faithful and drive responsibly.
He knows that we will be able to pay our bills this month because he has confidence that I will get paid at the end of the month for my hard work.
He can talk to me about his feelings and struggles because he has full confidence that he can confide in me and that I will try to help him to the best of my abilities.
However, there was an area that he didn’t have full confidence in me, and that is following a budget and saving for the future. I didn’t think it was a big deal because we always have a decent sized “miscellaneous category” (every month we categorize money for different items: food, gas, pets, etc.) He told me that the reason he started making a large miscellaneous is because he knew that I have a tendency to buy things at random.
Now that might not seem like a big deal to me; however, he is an accountant so it drives him nuts. I will be taking steps to follow the budget more carefully.
This is my situation, you might be in a different situation.
I have a challenge, but think it through before doing it:
If you are married:
- Ask that question to your husband: “Is there is something that you don’t have full confidence in me?”
- Listen, do not interrupt.
- He might tell you things that you disagree with or that might hurt you. Do not interrupt, do not reprimand and do not use it against him. If he opens up to you and you react negatively, he might be wary about sharing his feelings with you again.
- After he is done, take some time to think about what he said and pray about it, before you continue to discuss it with him.
- Realize that some issues take longer to resolve. If it’s a bad habit, those take some time to break. If it’s an issue that relates to trust, it can take some time to get that trust back. Be steadfast, but patient.
- If it happens to be a big issue, seek an outside perspective; it can be a pastor, an older couple, a marriage counselor, etc.
If you are single, you can ask a a similar question “Is there an area in my life that I am a little flaky? Areas in my life that I don’t have confidence in myself that I will do the right thing?”
- Be honest, no excuses.
- Write it down.
- Before you come up with a solution take some time to reflect and pray about it.
- Confide to a friend or family member, show that family member your solution (what do they think about it?) and ask them for help with accountability.
- Again, this might take some time to resolve, be steadfast but patient.
I want to touch on the second part of the verse– “ and (he) lacks nothing.” This means that the guy has a job, a house, a car… wait that is not what is said: “and (he) lacks nothing of Value.” It is interesting that is the second part of the verse.
My understanding is that God is making a distinction that when a husband has full confidence in his wife, he has something that is extremely valuable, so he lacks nothing.
Proverbs 12:4 conveys a similar message:
Wow, what a contrast!
I pray that we can all be crowns and not cancer as we continue on our quest to become a Proverbs 31 woman.