I’m Not Worth It


“You have an unlimited budget for lingerie,” my husband told me as I headed out for a much overdue shopping trip. I jokingly told my friend this and she took it serious. She proceeded to pick out a few things that, according to her, I “could totally pull off!” After I got home, I tried them on, looked in the mirror at my Mommy body and returned them the next day. I know my husband would have enjoyed them no matter what the mirror said, but after the price tag sunk in, I couldn’t bring myself to spend that kind of money. On my husband’s new suits for work, on clothes for my kids, on something for the house, perhaps, but not on something for me. Not on something frivolous. Not on something no one would see.
In the mothering years that surrounded that day, my wardrobe suffered seriously. After thinking I was going to be pregnant, being pregnant, not pregnant, really pregnant, maybe pregnant, just pregnant and all those stages in between, I couldn’t bring myself to spend money on clothes for myself or for my changing body. After my last pregnancy and losing that baby weight, I realized that I was going to be THIS size for a long time. I suddenly had the freedom to buy items that would be for more than a season and I realized I didn’t know what to do with that freedom. I realized that the shopping trip with my friend revealed more about myself than I wanted to admit. I don’t think I’m worth it. My husband had given me a thumbs-up to spend money on something for myself (ahem…and for him) and I couldn’t do it. Granted, it’s me that handles the bills and the budget and keeps a close reign on every dollar coming in and going out, but he was sending me a deeper message, “You are worth it.” To him, it was worth giving up something else for me.
How many times, do I not think I’m worth it? As moms, we sacrifice so many parts of ourselves for our families. As honorable as that is, we have worth too! God created us in His image and we are beautiful to Him. I think that he wants us to feel that ways sometimes. I’m learning to splurge on little things for myself. I get quite a few comments about a new shirt or cute necklace these days. I joke that I have lived in frump for 10 years; it’s time to break free! Oh, I’m still pretty frugal, but I hear my husband’s voice in my head occasionally telling me I’m worth it when I hesitate to buy something pretty, just for me, just because.
Heather Smith

*This post was originally published by MOPS International here in September, 2014.
Links: MOPS – www.mops.org here – http://blog.mops.org/im-not-worth-it/



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