I have a confession to make. I have been struggling a lot since the month started (Yes, since October 1st). My struggles were not external, and those who know me wouldn’t be able to tell. I had written a plan on late September of the things I was to accomplish in October. I wanted to finish reading 1 Samuel & 2 Samuel, study Proverbs 31 deeper, read two Christian books, and become mentally and spiritually ready for my trip to Mexico in November. However, I haven’t done any of that; in fact, most days I have gotten up an hour after my husband has left for work, and I have been thoroughly exhausted.
I wish I could say it was because I have been very busy at work, or I was doing a lot of God’s work. However, it was not the case. I was just being lazy. I have been watching a lot of online videos…yes, Youtube has been my kryptonite. I’ve been watching shows, news, documentaries, etc. In essence, I have been pacifying my mind as I lay lazily on the bed up to the wee hours of the night.
There is nothing wrong with watching videos; that is, until it affects your household (my house was starting to get pretty messy), your health (sleep-deprivation) but most importantly your relationship with God. I was really good in September, I was waking up early praying to God (first thing), reading my Bible and writing on my Liturgical Planner. October came and, outside of church, I haven’t reached out to HIM. I was cutting out the sun and slowly wilting away. It created stress, so much so that I even left work early—I needed to figure out why I was acting like this. As I was driving back home I remember a part of a verse:
“18 For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. “ Romans 7:18-19 NIV
I am in a stage of my life where I have a lot of free time (more than ever before) and I believe that God has given me the gift of time to study His Word and to use it for His Glory. Yet, my sinful nature keeps wasting that gift away.
I was raised Catholic and I was taught about the seven deadly sins. I can tell you that one of the sins I struggled the most is sloth. I believe each of us have some “Deadly sins” that we struggle with, sins that continue to affect us over and over throughout our life. How about you, sisters? Is there any “deadly sin” that you struggle with? It goes away for a bit, but continues to affect you over and over.
I decided today (Oct 18) I have had enough. I am keeping my phone in a different room while I am home (I will turn it off if necessary). I am reading the books. However, more importantly I am making a proactive effort to give God the reins of my life (or if you like Carrie Underwood, tell “Jesus, take the wheel”).
I know that I am a sinner and that I have a sinful nature. I know that this is not the first nor the last that I will do things I am not supposed to do, and not do things I am supposed to do. However, I also know to trust God and pray that He will help me overcome the sins in my life. I need to be “6 (being) confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus” Philippians 1:6
How about you?
Lots of Love,